In an attempt to keep my mood light, positive, and silly in the meantime (as opposed to focused on my fear of spraining an ankle or being hit by a bus right before the marathon), I've compiled a list of embarrassing things I do on my training runs. I know I'm not alone on some of these. And others . . . we'll see. And please note: this is by no means a comprehensive list. I'm sure I engage in many more embarrassing activities, running or not.
- Snot rockets - Before I became the more "serious" runner that I am today, I was disgusted by snot rockets. In theory and in practice. But alas, fast forward a bit, and I am forever blowing snot rockets. There's just something about running, especially running in cold and/or wind, that makes it a necessity. I have, at times, carried tissues, but it's such a pain. Searching for them in pockets or pulling them out of my sports bra just to find that they're sweaty, I found it wasn't worth it. Plus, I'm not into holding snotty tissue for who-knows-how-long. And I don't like to litter. So snot rockets it is. I embrace it.
- Song lip-sync - I lip-sync to my playlist songs. Hard. With face-contorting emotion. And as often as this happens, I realized recently that I tend to forget that I do it at all until I'm actually running and notice it in the moment. It's kind of like a recurring dream where you don't realize until the the third or fourth time that you've had it that it's happened before. What's most embarrassing is that sometimes I'm so into it that I have to question if I'm only mouthing the words or if I've been singing out loud. I'm pretty sure that it's just mouthing. But who knows? At any rate, it makes me feel like a contestant on RuPaul's Drag Race. I'll just need to update some of my moves.
- Signing to myself - As a sign language interpreter, it's one of the hazards of the job. In addition to talking to myself, I often find that I'm signing to myself without realizing it. This happens even more so when I'm running for some reason. I find myself interpreting the songs I'm listening to--or the podcasts. Or just talking to myself in ASL. So if you're ever out and about in the Portland area and see a runner hand-flapping with an intense and contorted face, odds are that it's yours truly.
- Nose picking - Well, kind of. It's really more of a nose wipe, but with the extra girth of my fat-fingered gloves, tending to the nostril perimeter looks deceivingly like I'm trying to jam them up inside. Add in the snot rocket situation, and there's a lot of nose "rubbing" that needs to be done. I often wonder how many people think I'm digging for gold up there. I feel like I can relate to Jerry Seinfeld on this one.
- Farts - It's a given. Lots of farts. Not much to say about it. I only wonder if they're loud since I normally have my earbuds in. At any rate, I can't hear them, and I'm running too fast to smell them. So does it even really count? If a runner farts in a forest and no one's around to smell it . . .
- Apparently peeing in public places - This is a somewhat new development. Don't get me wrong. I've had my share of peeing in public locations at times. Hello, random Friday nights in my 20s. And I've frequently stopped at an establishment to use a public restroom. But only recently have I forgone modesty to pee on the side of the road during a run. Last weekend it happened in my 14th mile when I squatted behind a bush at a park, and yesterday I went behind a lone semi in an empty parking lot at mile four. I'm not sure exactly what this means, if anything. Except maybe that my bladder's getting smaller? Or maybe I'm just getting lazier about following the agreed upon rules of society.
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